In lieu of me deciding to embark on what I called Out Of The Rabbit Hole Project, I do want to talk about is what grief is like.

There. I said it. It was hard for me to even acknowledge this in the first place.

I just want to let everyone know that when someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, or going through trauma in general ( which in turn will cause them to grieve what was lost,) its hard to express it to others due to the fact that it is like trying to explain thirst to someone. I experienced this after my own episode of losing loved ones.

I also want you to know what happens during this process in no particular random order short of my own incessant ramblings……

1. The stages of grief are a myth. You will bounce around all of them at any given time. So, don’t even try and gauge a damn thing. Oh, and the littlest things are going to set you off too.

2. The veil between the living and dead becomes less than paper thin if you are grieving someone who has died. I plan on going more in depth with this one in the future too. You exist in a rabbit hole and learn how to adapt.

3. Material things don’t matter after that. Case in point, I need to get new flooring in a couple of rooms in my house as I type this. I have the money and the time to do it. However, I really don’t care about new floors. New floors won’t improve me or make my life any more meaningful. A person’s fabulous floors are not what you remember about them after they are gone. Perfect floors won’t protect your heart from being shattered into a million pieces.

4. You figure out that a majority of the population walks around kinda oblivious to this life. Then, trauma happens, and it will jerk the breathe out of them. Once it happens, nothing, and I mean nothing is the same ever again. Air and light are even different and you stop taking the little things for granted.

5. Watching the ones you love grieve as well is hell on Earth. I will explain later as to why.

This is me last year ( 2019)
There was about 5-6 months that I just went through the motions of life and I cannot really tell you a whole lot. Except, I needed to sit with close friends that night and kiss on that puppy. So, that is what I did.

6. You try to forget. That doesn’t work either.

7. Funerals are for the living not the dead. I have no idea who decided it was a good idea for the living loved ones to go through all of that plus sit there and receive everyone’s condolences. It is asinine. Once a person gets through the barrage of well wishers that BTW, they have not even talked to in 15 years, they get to try and carry on like nothing ever happened. That is the hardest part. That is when you need to be around them the most.

Also, I want everyone to know that when someone experiences trauma, the LAST thing you need to do is post on social media that you are praying or call them up to get “the scoop” out of sheer curiosity. Seriously, everyone can fuck all the way off with that mess. The person it happened to are in shock and don’t have it in them to even read much less respond to your virtuous intent. If you really want to be there for them, I mean really be there, be present weeks after the incident. Bring them food, take their kid out for ice cream, check their mail, water their plants, or even sweep their deck. Then, keep it off of social media.

Until Next Time…

PS- This picture is something I painted in the grieving period. I called it “Insomnia” cause that’s what was going on at the time, among other things…..

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